126. Christmas with Parkinson’s

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. The rights to a fly on the wall documentary of Christmas morning would have made a slightly wonky documentary for channel twaddle.

When does a crubbish day become a comedic anecdote? …

Before I begin a couple of points before someone puts pen to paper, makes a few legible marks and posts off to the powers that be.

Firstly even in tier zillion I am allowed to ‘do’ Christmas with Parkinson’s. Believe me if I could shake Parkinson’s off I would . No apologies for the use of the word ‘shake’ as a punny pun. Puns are sometimes all I have to bring the positivity to my day. I can assure you that, even when I appear ‘normal’, Parkinson’s is still with me, it never ‘pops to the pub’ or, more likely in these lockdown times, ‘pops to the ‘Offie’ to buy a four pack of Artois. However in reality actually neither will happen as I often lack the confidence to go out, so if it doen’t arrive in the supermarket delivery order ‘we ain’t got it Mr ‘iggins’

When I am ‘normal’ I feel clear headed, dexterous, athletic, super, smashing and great. I could prepare a meal whilst dovetailing some carpentry and whipping up some Angel Delight, whilst grooming the gerbil. So just cooking Christmas Day lunch whilst sipping a schooner of sweet sherry would be a doddle.

On the other hand I more often am mumbly, fumbly and bumbly.

So erring on the side of caution, I purchased Christmas lunch, please put your fingers in your ears (and a pineapple up your nose) frozen and (yikes), pre prepared. I thought if I did feel Tipperty top on Christmas morning I could always learn a new language in my spare time whilst the prepared meal cooked.

To cut the waffle I will bullet point what happened

Firstly … overslept … I never over sleep. Now when I say oversleep, I obviously still woke to take medication and to check Today’s Special Value on QVC on the tv in the night. But I woke at 8.15am … meaning I took my first morning meds an hour and a quarter late.

Let me explain (please) -‘nighttime’ in PD meds world to me is between 1030pm and 7am, I take different meds at night and take my first ‘proper’ meds at 7am. So this oversleeping meant my timings were all ‘out’ for the day. I had to alter my alarm system which stressed me all day.

my meds were on a bad morning, never really kicking in. I even omitted protein from my morning eating in the hope that my meds would work okay. (protein often interferes with their absorption), so a banana had to pretend to be a special smoked salmon platter for breakfast. Believe me when I say that there is a reason why a Banana Impressionist never won Opportunity Knocks,

Preprepared Christmas lunch was a necessity. I left myself some sprouts to peel to fool myself into thinking I had done something. But they took me the whole morning to prepare, doing a couple and then resting. I wasn’t carving each into a nativity scene figure. Merely chopping the bottom off of each and removing the outer leaves (i realise other sprout methods of preparation are available).

Then sudden dyskinesia meant I burnt my leg on the oven door, and had to spend the rest of the day with cling film and frozen peas tied round my leg. NB please check with a medical professional if you burn yourself, I am not a Burns Doctor in the same way as I am not a Neurologist.

I am boring myself now so I will sign off.

…. it is only twenty four hours later and it is already turning into an anecdote, and the leg burn is merely a scar.

So actually, all things considered we had a good day and ate, drunk and was twaddley. Life and my ability are unpredictable, but at least I have my health (… doh)

PS I wonder if I could insert into Parkinson’s job profile … compulsory two weeks holiday to be taken at my discretion …. unlikely, but actually has anyone with PD ever asked. Then it could ‘do one’ on Christmas Day.