138. Wallowing


Between you, me and the three people who have noticed…. I haven’t been to a support group, written a newspaper column, posted on Parkinality facebook or written a blog for differing lengths of time 

Even I, self proclaimed positivity person, has been stretched, resulting in a finger stinging twang.

Despite my best attempts at a jaunty smile and heel click, I can’t dress it up – I need that brain operation.

I am still fortunate that I do get flashes of normality, very occasionally those flashes can last a couple of hours.  But generally walking, talking and dancing are disappearing and those invisible symptoms are dragging me down …  

So I am trying to pull myself together and have started writing poetry again … entering competitions and doing some art.

I’m trying not to wallow and at this moment in time I am sitting on the exercise bike typing with one finger whilst listening to Popmaster not feeling too bad ish 

Wallowing Ode 

I stink I smell

I’m not doing very well

Not washing every hour

Not washing every day

I should simply 

Shut up and go away

I should brush my teeth

I should comb my hair

But do you know what 

I really don’t care

I don’t care what I look like

I don’t care how I feel

Just look me in the eyes

What you see is real

I’m not sweetness and light

I’m not full of positivity and cheer

I’m a sad person full of fear

I am fearful of each day

When I awake from my sleep

The thoughts in my head

Would make a grown man weep

They slither round my brain 

Like a continuous snake

And do you know what

They are real not fake

My future is desperate

My future is bleak

(Yes I am aware) 

My eyes have started to leak

I should turn the music up

Dance around the house

Attempt a volley and an ace

Am I a man or a mouse?

Actually I am neither

I am scared and more

(At time of writing) 

Crying isn’t against the law

A funny one to lighten the mood …